A funny thing happened on the way to my daughter's apartment

The Christmas countdown clock is ticking, loud and oppressively in my earholes. Buy some shit! Hurry! Just a few more shopping days until the frantic unwrapping, converting the beautifully wrapped gift offerings of friends and family into hefty bags full of paper, ribbons, bows, nut shells and tangerine peelings.

My shopping is done for now. No trips to mall this year.

Last night I left work at 4:45 to stop by to visit with my daughters and son-in-law, drink a glass of wine and pick up the Little Green Machine to suck the dog piss out of my dining room carpet (another story). In retrospect my timing could not have been worse. I arrived at the intersection of West Paces Ferry and Peachtree Street at about 5:15. An hour and half later I arrived at what I thought was my daughter's doorstep.

The extended time in the worst of driving conditions, not really driving at all, just sitting in an idling car, addled my brain. 1.6 mph. is walking speed! I was at the intersection of the perfect storm of traffic gridlock from Christmas mall shoppers, evening commuters and an interstate closure due to accidents.

I finally pulled into the multi-story parking deck and spiralled up the ramps to my destination, parked, grabbed the brown bag containing the bottle of Spanish red and made my way to the front door of the apartment with a full bladder and a powerful thirst.

Oh look at the cute wreath decorated with Georgia bulldogs! No surprise at this front door.

<knock knock>

"What do you want?" says the voice from behind the door.
"Very funny!" says me
"Go away!" and then the sound of the lock turning.
I reach for the handle thinking the door's just been unlocked. No it's just been dead-bolted. I turn the handle and shake it.
"OK I'm going to pee on your door!" says me
<louder knock>
"Go away. We don't know you! We've called the police and they're on their way." says the voice behind the door
"OK whatever, just let me in!

Just then it occurs to me that maybe, just maybe I was standing in front of the wrong door. I walked over to the parking deck. "Oh shit!". I'm on the wrong level.

I hastily return to my car and speed up one level in three consecutive left turns, park and cross the breezeway, arriving at the correct front door. After rushing in and peeing I tell the story and everyone laughs until they pee. Everyone except for the voices behind the door. They were truly scared.

The police arrived shortly after I left. My daughter was walking her dog, saw the blue lights and walked by as the voice from behind the door was describing a guy in a leather jacket, holding a bag, banging on the door and saying that he was going to pee on the door if they didn't open up. She was going to walk on but decided to ease their anxiety and let them know."That was my dad."

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